When you hear the name ‘Abraham Lincoln’ what first pops into your head? Is it the beard and stove pipe hat? Is it the Gettysburg Address? Maybe you think of the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, DC. My guess is that many people won’t picture him smiling, laughing and cracking up. Although he was an astute politician, Lincoln also loved telling jokes and humorous stories. If I could sit down to dinner with one historical figure it would be Lincoln; not to hear the horrible stories of his presidency and the War, but because I would love to sit and be entertained by him in his own special way.
I would like to share some sayings, jokes, and anecdotes as said by Lincoln. These have been gathered in numerous places, but I’m referencing two books: “The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln” by James C. Humes and “The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln” edited by Anthony Gross.
Secretary of War Edwin Stanton filled the military prisons in Washington with those who were helping the Confederates. When a relative of a prisoner complained to Lincoln of the injustice, Lincoln told his story: A governor of a certain state was visiting the state prison and stopped to talk with a number of prisoners. They told him their story, and in every instance it was one of a wrong suffered by an innocent person… but he came to one inmate who said, “Governor – I did it – I was guilty – and I have to pay the price.” “I must pardon you,” said the governor. “I can’t have you in here corrupting all these good men.” <Humes, p142>
A ranking official of the Post Office died and the next day a job applicant waylaid President Lincoln in the White House. “Mr. President, did you know that the Chief Postal Inspector just died. Can I take his place?” “Well,” drawled Lincoln, “it’s all right with me if it’s all right with the undertaker.” <Humes, p186>
Some gentlemen, fresh from a Western tour, calling at the White House to see President Lincoln, referred to a body of water in Nebraska bearing an Indian name which they could not recall, but which signified Weeping Water. Instantly Mr. Lincoln replied, “As Laughing Water, according to Mr. Longfellow, is Minnehaha, this must be Minneboohoo.” <Gross, p.106-107>
A gentleman asked Lincoln to give him a pass through the Federal lines in order to visit Richmond. “I should be very happy to oblige you,” said the President, “if my passes were respected; but the fact is, within the past two years I have given passes to Richmond to two hundred and fifty thousand men, and not one has got there yet.” <Gross, p215>
Wade once came to the President to demand the dismissal of Grant. In reply to one of his remarks Lincoln said, “Senator, that reminds me of a story.” “Yes, yes,” Wade replied, “it is with you, sir, all story, story! You are the father of every military blunder that has been made during the war. You are on your road to hell, sir, with this government, by your obstinacy; and you are not a mile off this minute.” Lincoln answered, “Senator, that is just about the distance from here to the Capitol, is it not?” Wade, as Lincoln put it, “grabbed up his hat and cane and went away.” <Gross,p223>
These were just a couple of stories from the two books that I referenced above. If you get a chance to read more of the stories that Lincoln loved so much then I would definitely recommend that you read them. Or when you’re bored, search for Abraham Lincoln Anecdotes in your favorite search engine and see what pops up.
“The Inconvenient Duchess” by Christine Merrill. Before I even look to see what this book is about you can probably guess what is happening. Somehow this woman ended up marrying a Duke that more than likely was out of a sense of duty more than anything and he probably wasn’t very happy about it. You just know that he’s going to be handsome, dark and rough around the edges. You know that she’s beautiful, slight and a bit weak. Especially since she allowed herself to be put in a position where she had no choice but to marry the Duke. Now, looking at the book cover the first thing that strikes me is how did he get the back of her dress open without undoing the bow first? Also, zippers didn’t exist back then so the back would have had to be buttoned closed (and I don’t see any buttons) or tied. That corset is not correct, either. The lacing would go all the way up to the top. Wait… am I dissecting the cover art way too much? I think that I’m going to skip reading the description since we’re pretty sure we can tell what the book is all about. My guess is that at the end something dramatic happens that points out to the other how much they really do love each other and they lived happily ever after. The end.
“Maid for Love” by Marie Force. Looking at the cover it doesn’t appear to be too obnoxious. There’s a giant house next to the shore that doesn’t really tell us much. However, the inset of the lovers makes me roll my eyes. We already read ‘Love’ in the title so I don’t think that we really need the visual, right? After reading the description I know that I’ve seen this story before. It’s called, “Cinderella” or any other romance novel you’ve read before. It seems that the woman works as a maid at this high-brow resort and she happens to get run into by the owner’s son. The son doesn’t want anything really to do with the resort, but he’s helping out his dad. When he injures the maid he insists on taking care of her and her son, and then he falls into the dilemma where he falls in love with her and doesn’t know what he wants anymore. *sigh* It’s so hard to be a wealthy man in this day and age. I mean, falling in love with the maid seems to be a fairly common story line. Or the poor woman in the village. Or the woman who has been so busy holding her life together that she’s never been told how gorgeous she is so she thinks that she’s the ugliest thing on the planet until the dark and brooding rich guy comes along and can’t live without her. You already know that the rich guy’s son is going to marry the maid. Otherwise it wouldn’t be in the romance section, right? Ugh. These books make me feel ill. How can my sister stand to read them??
“Under a Texas Star” by Alison Bruce. Here we go again… another dark, handsome and brooding hero to grace the cover of this book. Wait! He’s not just gracing it, he’s seducing the spirited red-head against the rock. Just to make sure that we realize he’s a law man, and a dangerous man, we have the giant Texas Rangers badge on the front, plus Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Handsome is holding his revolver in his right hand. After reading the description I realize that they’ve fallen into one of the typical Western scenarios. There are a couple that they usually stick to when writing a novel. The hero is either a lawman or an outlaw, though a wrongly accused outlaw who is trying to clear his name. The woman is either seeking revenge for some wrong done against her or her family, or her husband/father/brother has passed away and left her in charge of the land so that her only chance of survival is doing everything herself. In this case he is a law man and she is out for revenge. They work together, which means that they end up having sex and then much later they realize that they’ve also fallen in love. I’m sure that she’s so spirited that she’s the only woman who has ever been able to ‘tame’ his heart. They like to use those cliches a lot. I have to say, though, that if I was her I would be pissed at him. He’s pressing her into that jagged rock and that can’t feel good.






















