I received a Kindle Fire for Christmas. I absolutely LOVE this little device. It goes with me to Jay’s house and resides on my headboard at my house. With my Kindle Fire I can read an eBook, listen to my favorite morning show out of Charlotte, NC, or check my e-mail. One of my most favorite features are the free eBooks that I can download. Part of my daily routine is to go to the Book section and check out today’s 100 most popular free eBooks. That’s how I’ve managed to collect most of the books in my Kindle library. I can’t resist an interesting eBook. I have everything from Civil War, How To, Self Help, and humorous essays. A free version of Top Secret Recipes? Yes, please! I always check it every day because you never know when an author is going to offer a free copy of their eBook.
The one thing about the free eBooks, though, is that a LOT of them are some sort of romance novel. Now, as a disclaimer, I’m not a romance reader. My sister LOVES to read romance, but I usually avoid it at all costs. I don’t like the headaches that I get from constantly rolling my eyes when reading one of these novels. The thing about the free eBook versions is that they make me laugh. I thought that I might share some of them with you.
“The Inconvenient Duchess” by Christine Merrill. Before I even look to see what this book is about you can probably guess what is happening. Somehow this woman ended up marrying a Duke that more than likely was out of a sense of duty more than anything and he probably wasn’t very happy about it. You just know that he’s going to be handsome, dark and rough around the edges. You know that she’s beautiful, slight and a bit weak. Especially since she allowed herself to be put in a position where she had no choice but to marry the Duke. Now, looking at the book cover the first thing that strikes me is how did he get the back of her dress open without undoing the bow first? Also, zippers didn’t exist back then so the back would have had to be buttoned closed (and I don’t see any buttons) or tied. That corset is not correct, either. The lacing would go all the way up to the top. Wait… am I dissecting the cover art way too much? I think that I’m going to skip reading the description since we’re pretty sure we can tell what the book is all about. My guess is that at the end something dramatic happens that points out to the other how much they really do love each other and they lived happily ever after. The end.
“Maid for Love” by Marie Force. Looking at the cover it doesn’t appear to be too obnoxious. There’s a giant house next to the shore that doesn’t really tell us much. However, the inset of the lovers makes me roll my eyes. We already read ‘Love’ in the title so I don’t think that we really need the visual, right? After reading the description I know that I’ve seen this story before. It’s called, “Cinderella” or any other romance novel you’ve read before. It seems that the woman works as a maid at this high-brow resort and she happens to get run into by the owner’s son. The son doesn’t want anything really to do with the resort, but he’s helping out his dad. When he injures the maid he insists on taking care of her and her son, and then he falls into the dilemma where he falls in love with her and doesn’t know what he wants anymore. *sigh* It’s so hard to be a wealthy man in this day and age. I mean, falling in love with the maid seems to be a fairly common story line. Or the poor woman in the village. Or the woman who has been so busy holding her life together that she’s never been told how gorgeous she is so she thinks that she’s the ugliest thing on the planet until the dark and brooding rich guy comes along and can’t live without her. You already know that the rich guy’s son is going to marry the maid. Otherwise it wouldn’t be in the romance section, right? Ugh. These books make me feel ill. How can my sister stand to read them??
“Under a Texas Star” by Alison Bruce. Here we go again… another dark, handsome and brooding hero to grace the cover of this book. Wait! He’s not just gracing it, he’s seducing the spirited red-head against the rock. Just to make sure that we realize he’s a law man, and a dangerous man, we have the giant Texas Rangers badge on the front, plus Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Handsome is holding his revolver in his right hand. After reading the description I realize that they’ve fallen into one of the typical Western scenarios. There are a couple that they usually stick to when writing a novel. The hero is either a lawman or an outlaw, though a wrongly accused outlaw who is trying to clear his name. The woman is either seeking revenge for some wrong done against her or her family, or her husband/father/brother has passed away and left her in charge of the land so that her only chance of survival is doing everything herself. In this case he is a law man and she is out for revenge. They work together, which means that they end up having sex and then much later they realize that they’ve also fallen in love. I’m sure that she’s so spirited that she’s the only woman who has ever been able to ‘tame’ his heart. They like to use those cliches a lot. I have to say, though, that if I was her I would be pissed at him. He’s pressing her into that jagged rock and that can’t feel good.
I think that’s enough for now. The cynicism is making me feel ill so I should probably go lay down. If you’re wondering, no, I have absolutely no desire to read the latest big hit, “Fifty Shades of Gray.” I was turned onto the fact that the reviews on this book are very entertaining, though. Go to Amazon.com and read the one star reviews. It is definitely well worth the time.
LOL – I SO agree with this! Love my Kindle and the free books, but the romance novels are ridiculous. I occasionally joke that I should quit my day job and just write Harlequinns – you’d only have to write three basic outlines – then you could just use the search and replace function to change the names and locations and effortlessly churn out new moneymakers monthly for the next ten years! 🙂