It had been a very long day. From the moment that I woke up Saturday morning until I finally got home it seemed like I was in constant motion. Sleeping was not easy. Not with the headache that I had from the evening’s activities.

It all started out innocently enough. Jay was going to lay down for a nap so I decided that I would head over to the mall to pick up a Christmas gift that I had ordered. On my way, though, I stopped to pick up Jay’s mom so that she could get out of the house and keep me company. His mother is a sweetheart so I was looking forward to spending a little one-on-one girl time with her.

At the mall I had very little trouble picking up the gift, getting it into my car, and then heading back home. Karen and I discussed the upcoming wedding, the center pieces that still needed some work, and just how excited I was to be marrying her son. That’s when it happened.

The traffic is horrendous on a Saturday night. Everybody is seemingly trying to go in the same direction you are going, and you need to be aware of your surroundings at all times. I’ve had many close calls before, but this time it was unavoidable. Chatting along with Karen, I slowly moved along in my lane and watching traffic to see if I was going to be able to get through the light. I made it through, but just as I was getting ready to move ahead a few feet this SUV came flying from out of nowhere and cut me off! This woman just barrelled in and I had no choice but to let her because if I didn’t then I would end up hitting her car. I would then be the one at fault. As SUV Driving Barbie talked on her cellphone I became more and more upset that she would just budge in front of me like that! She should have been in the correct lane, or else gone up further and turned around. Either way, shoving her way into my lane without me giving her the okay to do so really got on my nerves.

As I drove up the on ramp to get onto the Interstate I became more and more upset. Karen tried to calm me down, but it had been a stressful week and I was sure that this woman had probably voted for Obama! (Please note that when a person is upset the reasoning that occurs in the brain isn’t always logical)

I picked up speed… Looking in my mirrors I made sure that I wouldn’t be putting anybody else in danger, and then I took off like a bat out of hell. I passed that woman, flipped her off, and pulled in front of her. As I started my maniacal victory laugh I noticed the flashing lights in the mirror. Hoping that the cop was pulling somebody over behind me I kept going. Until he was right behind me. Dang it!

After putting my window down I placed both hands on the steering wheel to let the police man know that I didn’t have a gun or anything. A middle-aged cop, whom I seriously doubt if he could chase a suspect down on foot, approached my window and asked for my license and insurance. As I pulled those documents out of my purse I asked the officer what the problem was. He told me that was none of my concern and went back to his patrol car to run my information. I knew that he wouldn’t come up with anything because I am usually a good driver. I told Karen that if anything he might be able to get me for speeding because I had surpassed the limit by about 20 mph when trying to pass SUV Barbie.

The officer returned, handed me my documents, and asked if I’d had anything to drink tonight. No, I hadn’t. In fact, it had been several hours since I’d had anything to drink at all. That didn’t impress him, so he made me get out of the car and do the DUI check. Of course, I passed them. I started to get upset and demanded to know why he had pulled me over because he was on the verge of imprisoning me against my will. Did I mention that at this point I was tired and just wanted to get home? He refused to answer my inquiries and made me blow into the breathalyzer. When it came back that I wasn’t under the influence at all (it was 0.0) I headed back to my car. He told me to stop, and I told him that unless he had something legal to keep me there, that I was heading home. He told me to stop again, and I refused. The next thing I knew I was being slammed against the hood of my car and he was putting his cuffs on me. He told me that he was putting me under arrest for resisting arrest. What??!! How can I resist arrest if I wasn’t under arrest to begin with??

At this point, Karen was really upset. She had no idea what was going on, all she knew was that I was suddenly being arrested. She got out of the car and came up to where he was reading me my Miranda rights. She tried to ask him, nicely, what was going on. He asked if she was able to drive, and she said yes, and he told her that she might want to take my car home because I was going to the City jail. She asked what I was being charged with and he just told her resisting arrest. I told her that it was crap and that I might need the wedding money to bail me out of jail. She told me that she would get Dan.

Dan is her husband and he’s a retired city cop. I didn’t resist against the cop, but I kept my mouth going the entire time. During the ride to the station he did let it slip that it would be a long time before I flipped anybody off again. (Later I would find out that SUV Barbie was his wife and she had just happened to be on the phone with him when she cut me off and then I took my revenge).

I was booked and put into a holding cell. They weren’t letting me use the phone, so I wondered what in the world was I going to do. I knew that Karen had said that she would get Dan, but would he be able to help? I paced… and paced… and paced. What were my parents going to think? What would Jay say? I continued to pace, while also crying and cursing.

Finally I heard Dan’s voice. He was laughing with somebody in uniform as they came walking toward the cell. His buddy opened it up and told me that I was free to go. We walked in silence until we got outside. I quietly thanked him and he told me that I didn’t need to do that. It turns out the cop who had arrested me had been doing questionable things and booking people for the stupidest reasons. When Dan told the police chief the story that Karen had told him, the chief cornered the guy until he admitted that I’d flipped off his wife while driving. He felt that was a threatening gesture and so he’d pulled me over. I believe that Dan said the guy would be suspended until they could decide what to do with him. The police chief had gone ahead and scrubbed any evidence of me being arrested so that I still had a clean record.

When I got home Jay was still sleeping. I woke him up and let him know that I was home. Then I went and took a shower to clean the jail stink off of me.

…………………………………………………………………………………

Or… maybe I picked up the Christmas gift and then went back to Karen’s where we talked for almost three hours. I think that I prefer the first version the best. 😉